Confession: Voices in My Head

Okay, I’m going to confess. The instant I made my blog public yesterday and put my thoughts out there for the world in black and white, I began to hear the voice in my head. You know the one…it’s sniveling and accusatory, twisting words with just enough truth to be convincing. “Now really,” it said, “that took some gall. What makes you think that with all the women blogging out there, you have something to say that anyone needs to read. You’re a mom, and you know the time constraints on these poor women! Why should they use up valuable minutes reading your thoughts?! What will they be thinking about the utter pride of you to think for a minute that you have anything worth sharing? Please. Why don’t you just go back to your “time for silence” and let the real experts continue actually helping people.” And for just a split second I felt the panic of wishing I could pull it all back and let the others speak. But then in that split second I did the thing that can always silence The Sniveler…I looked back at the truth. The truth that I have been prompted by God for months that there were things He wanted me to say. That my husband, sister, and other loved ones in my life have felt strongly that the writer is a role I am called to play. That my job here is not to do anything except obey and leave the results to Him. And in that instant of choice to look back at the calling The Sniveler was silenced and I began to hear that other Voice. You know this One, too…it’s loving and quiet, wise and without tremor or question of absolute authority, pointing out my weaknesses only to show how perfect His strength can be made through them. And He asked, “If I call you to do something, will I use you? Do you need to understand why I would choose you to do something? Your words would be pointless. There are thousands and millions willing to speak their words, but you said you would be willing to speak Mine. You are certainly no different than all the other flawed lives I have used for My purposes for I am able. And I may have you spend these minutes of your time and speak My words here for ONE person. I may have each post bless ONE person. I may speak through a picture to ONE person. And you don’t have to know or understand but trust that I am at work in your obedience.” And much faster than I could type this post the struggle was gone as quickly as it began. Back to my day, back to the laundry and the mess and the dinner preparations and back to being the same weak, sometimes unsure person that I am…but with all confidence that HE is able.

So today as you fight through your areas of obedience, may The Sniveler be silenced with memories of God’s faithfulness. May The Voice of your Father be allowed to speak the truth He so desires for you to hear. May your victories be great and your weaknesses be surrendered to the One who can make them beautiful pictures of His grace. And know that if ever this small offering of mine finds a way to bless you, perhaps YOU, my dear one, are the whole reason He called this mom to do this. Perhaps He went to work in my life, in the people who have spoken this calling to me, and in all the other pieces that have been connected to bring you and I here on this page because He loves YOU. And if His love is communicated to YOU, then that is enough for me. 

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3 thoughts on “Confession: Voices in My Head

  1. I’m glad your back blogging! I’m grateful I can read your writings and learn from someone a couple steps ahead on this mommy and wife journey. Thanks for obeying. I know so many will be blessed and encouraged by your writings!

  2. I am so happy that you are listening to God’s voice and being obedient to write! I love reading your thoughts–God’s thoughts. I am so proud of you for accepting this call. I know it is NOT easy to find a 30 minute slot for writing. : ) Keep writing…I’ll be reading! xoxo

    ps. Thank you for the reminder to listen to the Voice of my Father—not of the Sniveler.

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